Written by Guy Crawford
Directed by Guy Crawford and Tamarie Hargrove
Featuring John Scott Mills, Dina Osmussen, Ginny Harman, Joe Estevez, Wendy Crawford, Robert McClure, Jill Seitz
USA
2002
Brain Damage Films

I really enjoyed Autopsy. It is a slow paced and bizarre (which is something I like) love story involving a man named Charlie Bickle, portrayed by John Scott Mills, who falls in love with a recent suicide. Charlie picks up, cleans, and disposes of bodies for a coroner; Dr. Dale Brodsky (Joe Estevez). But he has a side job, and that is purchasing the John and Jane Does of the city and selling off their bodies and body parts for sizeable sums. Of course, all this to line the pockets of one very greedy and ghoulish coroner!

When Charlie comes across one Jane Doe in particular (Dina Osmussen), he is instantly smitten and pays top dollar to have her. He strikes up a friendship, for what it is worth that quickly blooms into a romance.

It is evident in this flick that Charlie is someone who loves to take care of people. He’s quiet, a bit slow, not very sociable. But he sticks by his current girlfriend, Mary who is portrayed by Ginny Harman--she really made me dislike the character and feel sorry for her all at the same time. Mary was in a car accident some years ago that left her with leg braces and crutches. She is afraid to do anything for herself. Afraid to be alone, afraid to drive... She’s needy to say the least. Her neediness drives Charlie further away, not because he can’t handle it, but because she is taking him and his caring nature, for granted.

So Charlie pours all of his time into work, and into Jane Doe. He talks to her; she listens. They fall in love. He introduces her to his mother...Oh, I failed to mention, Charlie can hear the dead speak. So his taboo romance of Jane continues until one day, a stranger comes looking for Jane Doe. A stranger with a familiar face. Taken aback, Charlie does the only thing he knows best how to do: follow his heart.

But there’s also a new trouble brewing: the health inspector (Wendy Crawford)! And she’s not as nice as Pete (their last inspector who turned the other way with a roll of dollars in his fist). Oh no. She’s a stand-up do-right inspector. She is disgusted at the pile of bodies rotting in the basement and is going to shut this entire operation down.

Yeah, you are thinking to yourself that how can this movie be horror? How can this flick be considered a horror flick among many of these other great flicks that chill me and gross me out? Okay, yes, thick string for stitches across the mouth was comical, over the top really. And yes, the make-up effects and such were not the best. But you got to ask yourself what horror really is.

The horror of a love taken for granted. The horror of slowly slipping away until you are no longer able to physically touch the one you love. The horror of being used, abused and left for dead. The horror of apathy. The horror of necrophilia!

These are all in Autopsy: A love story. And more, really. I mean, how can you not feel sorry for a guy who is so beat down he seeks the comfort of the dead? Sure, the slow pace may not sit well for some (you fast-action slasher addicts!) but it sat well with me. I do wish I would have seen more action between Charlie and Jane, like maybe a “love scene” to disgust and revile me. Maybe turn me on a little. But, it’s all good I suppose.

If the conversations were any more mundane I may have turned away, and it wasn’t that the conversations were riveting; they were everyday normal conversations that you may overhear at a restaurant, have with a loved one or a friend...but that’s really what this story required. Especially when coupled against the constantly berating and overly dependent Mary who never has a conversation with Charlie, ever. She abuses him verbally and neglects the fact that he is a person. A man. A man who loves her.

Or used to.

One scene that I found intriguingly humorous is when Charlie comes home late one night after spending time with Jane Doe. Mary is asleep on the couch and Charlie leans down to give her a light kiss on the lips. Mary is awakened by this action and curls her nose.
“Charlie. Why do your clothes smell like formaldehyde? You used to never come home smelling like that! And your lips taste funny too. Charlie what is going on? Why are you home so late?” Charlie says, coolly, “I’ve just been working a lot.” I thought it was a great bend, because who would suspect a man of having an affair with a dead woman? Instead of perfume, ah...it’s the sweet smells of mortuary.

If you are the kind of person who enjoys a bit of dark romance and dark subtle humor, then check out Autopsy: A love story. You could watch this one with your lover and make-out like it is the first time.

Or the last.